Peer Review 2

I thought your piece was very strong. You did a really good job of choosing thought provoking evidence, and I really loved how you introduced the quotes. You clearly tied each piece of evidence to your thesis and integrated your own thoughts. In terms of addressing the prompt, make sure that you tie in your own narrative and personal identity. I could not find any connections to your life, so I recommend going by and integrating some anecdotes in with your evidence. Additionally, I would suggest you go back and make your thoughts more concise throughout your piece. There were multiple points that you repeated the same ideas and words within a couple sentences. By being less wordy, it will make your ideas even more prominent and clear. Overall, your paper is really good and addresses the prompt except for the personal connections, and I have no doubt that you will end up weaving them in really well.